How We Do It

Here's a little look into how we parent, and the things we do to help Lucas grow up to be a polite, intelligent, curious, and independent person.  Just remember that no two children are alike, so no two parenting styles should be exactly alike. 
Find what works for you and stick to it as if your life depends on it (because in reality, it truly does).

We're "THAT GUY"

...that take our kid everywhere. Pretty much as long as the invitation doesn't say "Adults Only", Lucas is where we are. He goes to all of our Robotics meetings and competitions, out to restaurants, church, weddings, on vacation, and even to work somedays. 

We think that spending time together as a family is important, and that introducing Lucas to the things we do in our daily adult lives will develop his character and give him a sense of the world. Plus, he's pretty good at answering the phone.

Say "Please" and "Thank You"

...and make your children say it, too! Children so often learn from example, and how you speak and act when you're around them has a tremendous impact on every aspect of their being. The "Do what I say, not what I do" theory doesn't work. 

People are so often amazed that Lucas says "Please" and "Thank You" at the appropriate times, and with amazing consistency. This is because we have raised him to do this (and lead by example). Yes, it's difficult to let your kid whine for 2 or 3 minutes because they want their milk (and won't say please), but it's such a rewarding experience when they finally say it, and you've shown that you won't give in.

Say "No Thank You" 

...not just "NO!". Lucas rarely hears the word "no" without a "thank you" following it. Whether we're telling him that he's not allowed to put the icky slug in his mouth, not to rub macaroni and cheese in his hair, or that hitting is not nice, there's a "No Thank You" in there. We encourage him to answer questions with "No thank you" rather than "no", and model the behavior for him.

This has been used so often, that Lucas now says "No Thank You" when someone tries to make him do something he doesn't want to do.

That's Not for Babies!

Rather than telling Lucas that he couldn't have things, we simply classified things into "for babies" and "not for babies" when he would try to get into, climb on, pull down, or eat something. So, rather than him developing a sense that things were not for him, he realized that they weren't for any baby. 

Then when he got to be a "big boy" he began to be able to use some of the things that were forbidden to him. If something doesn't belong to him, we simply say, "That belongs to (insert name here). It's not for Lucas" and he doesn't seem to mind.

Let Your Kid be a Kid!

Sometimes, you have to let a kid be a kid. Getting messy, playing in the mud, eating with your hands, and even falling-down is part of growing up. Unless Lucas' life is in eminent danger, or he may bring harm to someone else, we often "let him go" to discover what will happen on his own. 

Even if it means an extra bath to remove the chocolate ice cream from his ears, or enduring incredulous looks from friends and family as you let your child learn "the hard way" that the oven door is hot, letting your kid have some experiences is just part of life.

Use Your Words

Anyone that has spent more than just a few minutes around our little family has heard the phrase, "Lucas, use your words, please" more times than they can stand to bear. It's basically our way of telling Lucas to stop crying and tell us what he wants. At first, he used ASL signs to express his wants, and now, he uses "big boy words" to tell us what he'd like.

I also use the phrase, "I can't understand you when you whine" or "You need to put away your tears, please" to get Lucas to stop crying. It's a much better way to communicate with a toddler than to just yell, "shut up!" all the time. As a matter of fact, Lucas has never been told to "shut up" in his life. 

Narrate Your Day!

While Lucas and I are at home, I talk A LOT. It seems like I'm always explaining the action that I'm completing like, "Momma is going into the kitchen to get some water. I like the blue cup, so I will pour some water in it to drink!" or "Look at the birds! The yellow bird is hopping on the branch, and the blue bird is flying through the sky!" Lucas just looks at me like I'm crazy, but he sure does listen! 

Talking to your children in a happy tone and explaining what you're doing (and why!) will help foster their language skills, and grow their lexicon! Plus, you're spending quality time with your kid, and what child doesn't love that?!

Give Your Children Responsibility

Whether it's cleaning up the toys he got out, or helping set the table for dinner, Lucas has responsibilities around the house. He enjoys being a sous-chef when cooking meals and assisting me with loading clothes into the dryer, but most of all, it gives him a sense of accomplishment to be a "big helper".

While many parents will say, "my child isn't old enough" to do certain things, I have never had that opinion. Lucas does many things that are beyond his supposed development level, and it's all because he likes to help!